I went to the cemetery on Christmas Day...went to say hello to my Gram. Usually, when I visit I'm the only one there. If there are others in the cemetery, they are a long way off, which is good because then talking out loud to my dead grandparents doesn't feel quite so weird.
I'm healing, I am. It'll be four months on Friday...and I'm healing. If I take the time to think about it, I don't know if it's at the pace I'd like, but I know I'm gonna be fine. I've never been one to adjust quickly to change that causes such emotional strife as this, but these type of changes/losses bring growth and eternal insight. Like this time, when I went to the cemetery, I wasn't alone. There were a number of people scattered across the grounds, arms around each other talking quietly and looking down at the ground. It was then that I realized three things:
1. This will not be the last time I lose someone I love. Duh, I know, but I really thought about it this time and it was a little overwhelming.And so, that was Christmas. It truly did feel different, but it was also full of lovely things like family and friends and love and joy and Disneyland adventure.
2. I'm not alone. I felt a strange sort of connection/camaraderie with the other people in the cemetery that day knowing that there are others who feel the same.
3. It's bearable, endurable and part His Plan.
2 comments:
my grandmother had a heart attack Tuesday night, and while I was pacing the floor of the icu waiting room, I thought if you..
Hannah, I love this post! Holidays can be really hard, but I am happy to know that you have taken the opportunity to learn something from this experience, rather than holding a grudge.
The three things you have learned are important and will keep you sustained through the coming year.
I would add one thing to #2:
You don't have to be in a cemetery with others to not feel alone. For me, the greatest blessings have come when I realize/remember my savior, Jesus Christ, and His promise to always be there for us. I cannot even begin to describe the amount of peace I have received this last year from His love. Not only will He help heal you, but He will also help buffer (or shield) you from the pains of this life. (I'm sure you know this, but it never hurts to be reminded from time to time).
Wish you all the best! *hug*
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